A Kinder Response: A 3-Step Practice for Your Inner Critic

When to use it

Use this when you catch yourself replaying something you said or did. It might happen after sending an email, having a difficult conversation, or making a mistake. Notice when your thoughts shift from what happened to what's wrong with you.

The practice

1. 1. Name the critic. When you notice the critical voice, say to yourself, "There's the critic again." Or try, "That's shame talking." You don't need to argue with the thought or make it disappear. Start by recognizing it. Naming the pattern gives you a moment to notice what's happening.
2. 2. Ask the friend question. Ask yourself, "What would I say to a friend right now?" Think of someone you care about who made the same mistake. What would you tell them? You might say, "That was a rough moment. You're human. You'll handle it differently next time." Try offering yourself those same words.
3. 3. Make one small repair. Choose one small action to support yourself or address what happened. You might send a message you've been avoiding, acknowledge something you wish you'd handled differently, or say one kind, truthful thing to yourself. You might also place a hand on your chest for 60 seconds and breathe a little slower than usual. Choose one action. Keep it small.

About 2 minutes. No equipment or quiet room required.

The idea behind it

When something goes wrong, self-criticism often turns your attention toward what's wrong with you. Naming the critic helps you recognize the pattern. Asking what you'd say to a friend gives you another way to respond. One small repair helps you take responsibility without attacking yourself. Each time you practice, you're strengthening a kinder response to mistakes.