5 Self-Love Practices When You’re Struggling

5 Self-Love Practices for When You’re Struggling

 

Life is full of changes, and at times it can leave us doubting ourselves or feeling worried we aren’t ready or able to rise to the challenges we’re facing. What can really help when going through change and uncertainty is to connect with self-love and compassion. This isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary, especially when we are struggling.

 

Learning how to give more love to ourselves is a key practice that when turned into a habit, can become a source of happiness and resiliency.

 

Here are three practices to help you connect with self-love when you’re struggling. 

 

1. Recognize your inner critic, and respond with kindness

 

Our inner voices can be a real pain sometimes! They are critiquing decisions and conversations, telling you what you can’t do, or how you’ll probably fail if you try, so why bother? Maybe you’re beating yourself up, feeling like you’re not measuring up to your own expectations, or comparing yourself with the happy, smiling and joyful people on your friend’s list? It’s easy to fall into a mind-trap of confusing what your inner critic says for fact. You would never speak to a friend cruelly when they’re going through a hard time,  so why are we so mean to ourselves?

It’s important to nip the critical and self-doubting voices in the bud. When they arise, remind yourself:

 

“This is a difficult moment, and in life there are challenges. Can I be kind to myself right now?”

 

Just the acknowledgement and connecting with kindness can calm the mind and slow down an anxious mental whirl or negative self-talk.

 

2. See, Touch and Go

 

See the struggle that you’re experiencing

 

Touch your heart either mentally or physically. Sensing into this area of the body is likely turn the volume down on the chatter and connect you to what really matters in the moment.

 

Go from the heart. Ask yourself, “what do I need in this moment? What really matters? What action will align with what I need or what matters?” Then do it.

 

In a moment when you notice that the volume in your mind is turned up with self-criticism and self-judgment, you can See what is happening, Touch your heart as a gesture of self-love and kindness, maybe even asking what you actually need in that moment and Go from there. Instead of allowing the ruminative mind to spiral, try to step into SAFE Practice (below) to connect more deeply with compassion, or maybe a forgiveness practice.

 

3. Try a SAFE Practice

 

This is a favorite practice that inspires the cornerstone healing modality of self-compassion.

 

S – Soften into the feeling with a gentle attitude. “Breathing in, opening to the vulnerability that is there, breathing out softening into it.”

 

A – Allow it to be as it is, without resisting or clinging to it.

 

F – Feel into the emotion that is there with a kind attention. You can also drop into questions “What does this feeling believe” and “What do I need right now?” When we discover this we might send that to yourself. For example, if you sense you need some self-love and and to feel safe, you might say, “May I feel loved, May I feel safe, etc…”

 

E – Expand awareness of all people who also experience this vulnerability. The fact is this vulnerability of difficult experience is also a human experience. This is the big differentiation from the previous practices and a core component of self-compassion. Here is where we understand that we are not alone and that in this very moment there are thousands if not millions of people who are experiencing this very same feeling. The “E” of SAFE is where we inspire connection with the rest of humanity. In this practice we can also take what we learned from the “F” of SAFE and send it outward saying, “May we all feel loved, May we all feel safe, etc… SAFE is a complete practice that I find myself and many others discovering transformative moments with. You can practice gaining freedom, insights and self-compassion from what’s vulnerable or difficult, while also while inspiring a sense of contentedness outside of yourself that is ultimately healing.

 

BONUS: Nourish Breath Meditation

 

This Nourishing Breath meditation is part of A Course in Mindful Living – my 6-Month online coaching program and community, The Mindful Living Collective. The course is offered a few times a year and will teach you how to live with more intention, greater purpose, and the courage to meet life’s challenges without being overwhelmed by them. One of the greatest joys of the Collective is the power of shared experiences, that it’s a safe space to share struggles, and in response get encouragement and encouragement from others who have been there too.

 

You are welcome to play with any of these practices as an experiment and spread them around.

 

May they be a source of healing and calm when you are faced with challenges or uncertainty.

 

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.