SHOWNOTES

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why is this still so hard?”

You’ve done the work. You’ve meditated, journaled, read the books. Maybe you’ve even led others through healing work of their own. But something keeps circling back — a critical voice, an old pattern, the same old feeling of not being enough.

You’re not alone.

In this episode of The Emotional Longevity Podcast, I sit down with Eric Zimmer — host of The One You Feed, a deeply respected podcast on behavior change, emotional health, and the human experience. Beyond being a skilled interviewer, Eric brings his own lived experience with addiction, self-sabotage, and the long journey back to emotional steadiness.

This conversation is about something many of us feel, but rarely say out loud: the exhaustion of trying to change, and the quiet shame that comes when progress feels stuck.

Why We Loop — Even When We Know Better 

Eric puts words to something we all experience at times: that negative voice that whispers, “You’re still faking it.”

“There’s this sense that if I’m still struggling, I must be doing it wrong. But that belief is part of the loop. The more we fight it, the tighter it holds on.”

We talk about how deeply embedded these patterns can be — and how self-compassion is not just a nice idea, but a practical requirement for real change.

Instead of pushing harder or pretending to be okay, Eric shares a different strategy: pause, notice, name. In those moments when the voice of sabotage shows up, simply noticing it loosens its grip. That noticing is the beginning of freedom.

The Six Saboteurs of Self-Control

A highlight of our conversation is Eric’s framework: The Six Saboteurs of Self-Control. These are subtle mental traps that derail our best intentions — not because we’re weak, but because we’re human.

Among them are:

The Expectation of Ease – the belief that if something’s right for us, it should come easily.

All-or-Nothing Thinking – the tendency to give up completely if we can’t do it perfectly.

The Failure Narrative – the voice that uses past mistakes as proof we’ll never change.

Recognizing these saboteurs gives us language — and that language gives us choice.

“The moment I can say, ‘Ah, this is my all-or-nothing saboteur showing up,’ I get a little space to do something different.”

Letting Good Things In 

One of the most vulnerable parts of our conversation is about receiving. Not just big wins or praise — but the small, good things: a compliment, a kind gesture, a moment of peace.

“We think it’s just about doing the inner work. But letting the good in is part of the work too.”

Eric and I talk about how self-worth plays a huge role here. If we still feel like we’re not enough, it can be difficult — even threatening — to allow something good to land. That’s why it’s essential to practice receiving with awareness.

A few gentle ways to begin:

When someone offers kindness, pause before brushing it off.
Let your body take in the good — even if your mind resists it.
Remind yourself: It’s safe to feel good. I deserve this moment.

What This Means for You

Whether you’re facing anxiety, addiction, burnout, or just the fatigue of trying to “hold it all together,” you don’t need to be fixed — because you’re not broken.

Instead, ask:

• What patterns keep looping for me?

•  

• Can I meet those patterns with kindness instead of judgment?

•  

• What would change if I trusted that discomfort doesn’t mean I’m failing?
• We don’t heal by avoiding our inner experience. We heal by turning toward it with gentleness — over and over again.

Final Thoughts: Build the Relationship You Want

Eric reminds us that the real change comes not from pressure, but from presence.

“You don’t have to control everything. You just have to learn how to relate to what’s happening with more honesty and heart.”

So if you’re stuck in a loop today — pause.
Breathe.

Notice what’s coming up.

And then ask yourself, gently: What’s the kindest response I can offer myself right now?

You’re not the only one walking this road — and you don’t have to walk it perfectly to be worthy of peace.

Want to Go Deeper? 

Uncover the Power Within isn’t just a coaching program, it’s a supportive space to strengthen emotional resilience and build meaningful connection. With the support of a trusted community and science-backed guidance, you’ll learn how to regulate your nervous system, reduce overwhelm, and create more emotionally safe, fulfilling relationships—starting with the one you have with yourself.

If you’re ready to live with more intention, clarity, and connection, schedule a call with me to explore what’s possible.

Subscribe to The Emotional Longevity Podcast for more conversations that inspire personal growth, emotional resilience, and thriving relationships.

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who may be feeling disconnected or navigating relationship challenges. It might be the reminder they need – that healthy love isn’t about perfection, but about presence, repair, and learning to grow together. They can listen to this episode of The Emotional Longevity Podcast or read this blog.

Take care of yourself – and remember, every strong relationship starts with emotional awareness, compassion, and a willingness to show up.